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Since the threat of COVID-19 stopped being something that was happening in another country and started becoming a reality over here I have noticed a big increase in anxiety.

This has ranged from people having rational discussions about their fears to witnessing arguments break out over social media. There is no escaping it.

If you have your own anxieties about the situation – health, financial or worries about other people in your life, be aware when your anxiety starts to increase when talking to others. It is too easy to enter into a conversation, the person feels anxious and before you know it, you are feeling extremely anxious too.

I like to use the story of Chicken Little as an extreme example to explain this.

One day an acorn fell on Chicken Little’s head. She thought the sky was falling down and set off to tell the big boss. On her way she met a number of her feathered friends, telling each of them the sky was falling down. Before you know it, there was mass hysteria.

There are a few interpretations of what the story actually means, one of the popular theories is don’t believe everything you’ve been told. I won’t tell you how it ends but if you haven’t heard it before it’s not a happy ending.

Going back a few weeks I could feel my own anxieties start to increase from conversations with others and reading things online.

But when I started doing my own research, a lot of what I had heard was unfounded. For me I managed to ground myself in the facts.

When we start to hear things from other sources it is too easy for these sources to tap into our own anxieties and increase them. This is where acceptance can be helpful.

Accept what you can and cannot control.

You can control what you read, your time on social media or watching/reading the news. By limiting your time on social media you are limiting the amount of other people’s anxieties you are reading.

You can control your own hygiene; washing your hands, cleaning your home etc.

You can follow social distancing. You can find things to do at home.

You cannot control other people’s emotions, panic buying, predicting the outcome, laws and regulations and other people not following the rules.

If you start to feel your anxiety increasing what can you do to reduce it?

• There are some good guided meditation apps.
• Can you cut back on your caffeine intake?
• Take a break from the news and social media.
• Go for a walk, this can be good if you are needing to ground yourself – listen to the birds around you, take deep breaths in, feel the sun or the wind on your face.
• Turn on your favourite songs and get distracted in the music, even sing and dance.
• Exercise – there are a lot of good free clips on YouTube or free fitness apps.
• Reading? This can help calm you while getting distracted and lost in a good story. Audible gives you your first book for free if you would rather listen, or you can download the Kindle app which has free/cheap books available. If you are unsure you can download a sample of the book for free before buying.
• Colouring in is also a good mindfulness activity, getting lost in the moment and focusing your brain on something else.

These are just a few examples. You may have your own activities you use that help calm you, distract you or even burn off any excess energy causing restlessness.

All of the above is relevant to anxiety at any time, but more relevant than ever as we are navigating these unchartered waters.

Stay safe and take care and also remember, this will not last forever.

For many of us, happiness can be compared to an elusive butterfly.

Picture the scene – you are in your garden and you see a beautiful butterfly.

You try to move in closer for a better look, but every time you get close it flits to the next flower, just that bit more out of reach each time.

But you’re enchanted by its natural beauty so continue trying to move in closer for a better look, but each time you get close it flutters to the next flower.

Happiness can be likened to the butterfly, always just beyond our grasp.

We get so caught up and fixated by it as it’s so close. “If only”, “when”, “I wish” start to consume our thoughts and vocabulary more. “If only I had a better job”, “when I lose this extra weight”, “I wish I was in a better relationship”, the list is endless.

When we do attain one of our desires happiness still seems just outwith our grasp. We focus on the small detail of what is missing rather than the huge accomplishment we have achieved. When we focus on what is missing our unhappiness and dissatisfaction remains.

To achieve happiness in our lives we have to first be at peace within ourselves internally.

Happiness may be achieved by external events and situations but this tends to be a temporary fix unless we are happy within ourselves. Life typically is a series of ups and downs, waiting on these ups to deliver our happiness would result in living on a constant emotional roller coaster.

Our true happiness begins with our inner contentment.

Being happy with and embracing who you are as a person. Living your own life purposefully for yourself in every aspect – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually (if that’s your thing). To fully accept ourselves and be at peace, we must have a sense of completion in all of these areas.

Neglecting even one of these areas can create a sense of something missing, emptiness.

If we are not content or happy within ourselves we start to look for cures to our feelings of emptiness from outside sources. When we start to pin our happiness onto external events, people or situations we start to chase the “elusive butterfly” and when we do not catch it we experience disappointment, upset, frustration and feeling incomplete.

Does your happiness come from within you? Have you nurtured the four important parts of who you are? Or have you neglected one of these parts and are experiencing emptiness?

The more you accept, embrace and discover your own purpose and uniqueness, the closer you are to catching and experiencing the butterfly of happiness.

Although loss is a part of the bereavement process it covers much more than the death of a loved one.

Loss is when you are mourning the loss of something, your life has changed and is no longer what you once knew.

Loss and grief are deeply personal. Everyone responds differently. There are various theories on grief but these are just guidelines. You cannot put a timescale on grief or plan out the sequence in which you pass through the stages. Grieving is a natural process and part of life.

You may experience loss through a variety of various life events.

• The loss of a job due to redundancy, retirement or dismissal. This can result in a loss of financial security, unable to pay bills/rent/buy food/memberships etc. Loss of routine. Loss of independence. Loss of identity as jobs can mean a lot to people. Loss of friends, colleagues and customers leading to the loss of social interaction.
• Relocation. Moving to a different area. Depending how far away there may be a loss of friends and family. Social losses, you may no longer be familiar with the local shops, bars, restaurants etc. Workmates if you are having to leave your job. Loss of your home; sentimental attachments and fond memories.
• Relationship breakdown. This may be a partner but can also be a family member or a close friend. Although it may be for the best if the relationship was toxic, you may mourn the good times, the fun times, and the support this person gave you previously. There may also be the loss of further people; friends or family of the other person.
• Loss of a pet. Although this is a bereavement, you may be minimising this loss. Non pet owners may say “it was only a _____”. This loss may have come about as a result of having to get the pet re-homed for various reasons in your life; illness, moving home or finances. As much as this was a decision you had to make, it does not make it any less painful. You may have had to make the tough decision to get your pet euthanised due to their ill health. Pets very quickly become a huge part of your life as you commit to new routines such as walking, feeding, and grooming. There are benefits of walking a dog; meeting people, getting exercise, if you’ve had a busy/stressful day getting out to clear your head. There is the loss of the unconditional love, when your furry friend is there to greet you after you have been out. Pets are well known for providing comfort; pet therapy can be traced as far back to the ancient Greeks and medieval Belgium.
• Loss of health. A life changing injury or illness can have serious implications ranging from mental to physical. The loss of mobility or limbs. Having to adapt to a new way of living, mourning for your old fit and healthy self before the injury/accident/disease.
• Graduating from school/college. There may be a loss of friends and classmates. A loss of security, what you once knew and were familiar with will no longer be. A loss of routine and structure.
• Being the victim of an emotional or physical attack. Gaslighting, stalking, mugging, physical/sexual violence can rob you of your feelings of personal safety and confidence. Your interpretation of your safe world is shattered and the world is now a dangerous place. You may fear going out therefore losing your personal freedom not to mention the mental impact this may have on you too.
• Imprisonment. The loss of freedom, personal choice, time, family, even personal safety. On release there may then be a struggle to reintegrate back into society, adjusting to having to make choices/decisions again.

These are just a few examples of experiences of loss. Something which changes your life in a negative way. You may not have had any choice in the matter or you may have been forced into making the difficult decision.

You may experience a few losses at the same time and not realise, acknowledge or accept the impact of these on yourself.

Realising these changes have happened and allowing yourself to grieve for these losses is helpful. It allows you to process and accept that your life has changed.

Counselling can help you explore these losses in a safe, confidential, non-judgemental space. It can help you to process and understand your losses giving you a better insight into yourself. If you would like more information on how counselling may help you please get in touch by calling/texting or send me an email.

Have you considered counselling before but you aren’t quite sure what it is or what to expect?

Counselling provides you with a confidential, non-judgmental space to explore what is going on at a safe pace that suits yourself. You may wish to explore your issues, experiences, feelings, thoughts and behaviours. These may be a result of something which has occurred recently or going as far back as your childhood.

The therapeutic relationship between you and your counsellor is built on honesty and acceptance. This relationship provides you with the support or challenge you may need to start working towards your desired changes or outcomes.

Due to what we may be working on at the start of your therapeutic journey, you may feel a bit out of sorts. This is a perfectly normal reaction due to what you are working on in a short period of time. As your sessions continue this will ease off. If you feel like this, it is important to recognise these feelings and do not view them as a negative side effect of counselling. Alternatively you may feel lighter after sharing your experiences with your counsellor.

If you do feel out of sorts after counselling good self-care is important.

Create some space to do something for yourself that you enjoy. This will vary from person to person; a hobby, exercise, TV, reading, quiet time to yourself or going out and engaging with other people.

It is important you are ready to do the work and can commit to counselling on a regular basis for it to be valuable, useful, and productive. If you have any worries, fears or questions share them with your counsellor. They may be able to put your mind at ease by answering your questions or validating your feelings or worries.

Counselling can help you develop better self-awareness.

It can help you understand how past experiences still effect you, any triggers you may have, where they have came from and the impact this has had on you. You will get a better understanding of yourself, your relationships and how your experiences have shaped you until now. Having this deeper insight into yourself can enable you to make more positive choices or changes going forward.

Wishaw Counselling Service provides short term and long term therapy sessions based in Wishaw, with easy access from surrounding areas including Motherwell, Hamilton, East Kilbride, Shotts. Please explore this website for more info.